My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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