She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
