My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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