I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
