Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
