If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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