Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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