he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
