There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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