..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
