I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
