I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
