I cockslap morals
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
