she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am naked and annoyed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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