dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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