My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
