Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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