I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
