cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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