my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
