i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
