Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You are a genius and a whore.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
