Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
