so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
