I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
