you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
