Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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