Cold hands, warm shart.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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