you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
