is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
