I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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