I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
