There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
