i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
