Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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