I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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