Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She's JV to your varsity
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
