Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
