hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
