Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
