we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
