If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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