I'm really into asian looking animals
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
