I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
