i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
