Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
