Yo dont text me then not text me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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