hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
