I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
