i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
