I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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