I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
